Love the other, or dependence

07-03-2018 noonewillhearyouscream
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What they said less, men and women express the desire to find a partner for then yes: be yourself. - This would be wonderful if our ambition was fulfilled. - It would be great if we could make that intimate desire that houses the human soul. Finding our soul mate to be completito .... The unconscious dictates the need to find our soul mate. That spirit made flesh and bone, capable of knowing, and recognized by all that vibrate, love and passionate about us.

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The songs, poetry, folk sayings and marketing to realize it and exploit it, by the way, very well. All kinds of items exist to tell the couple how much we love, how we want it, and even how much, the hate and the need!

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When this desire for fusion is not done, at least all the time, emerge from within the people a series of anguish and anxiety that lead them to believe, think or act on their fears. And then, we do not understand that the possibility of joining all the time all the time, we jump to the despair of trying to retain our other self. . Of course, for some people it would be appropriate to be cooked with threads of gold, silver or even a rope, provided that the couple stay with us. Live as Siamese. Pegaditas .... Joined at the head, feet, back, the place is not important, the important thing is to be crimped ....

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But the reality of life and separation is imposed all the time in the relationship. The complexity of emotional and psychological lives of human beings, does not tolerate much gum, although the desire, and are willing to give her life. The only time in which we are truly fused, glued and in symbiosis, is at the time of our pregnancy but also ends. After nine months we are thrown into this world where we have to breathe through ourselves ...

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And we went through a long period of dependency that enables us to mature, to grow, we are encouraged at all times to be independent, to stand on our own and we learn that only our actions we take to have a successful life or not ....

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The society, family, culture, at least in the West, consider these qualities as virtues. And once we become adults, we seek to partner, we join .... And then it seems that we would re-merge imagination ...... .but that was many, many years ....

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And it is precisely there, for some, we want to recreate the couple. Seen this way seems crazy, and indeed some enloquecemos of love for our partner. Alongside these emotions felt and we longed realizing that comes from within, the other adult can not even remotely be with us in that ideal state all the time, and if we are honest, we can not meet that expectation.

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But no ! Fools still waiting for compliance with all eagerness. We want to force us to this relationship, this or that we are not able to provide us ourselves .... We live in pairs, and that means for many, share the tastes, interests, cymbals, time, work, home, money, friends, entertainment, extensive families. And there are many more!

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Yes we are demanding ...

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Thus, relationships with friends become even more complex and difficult to understand, and very tiring to be lived every day. Then we begin to see not as our partner as the object of love that complements us, encourages us, who express our ideas and define our positions in life. No human relationship, much less the couple, is exempt from conflict.

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All conflict leads to growth and the possibility of solution. But here there is another ingredient that ends our most precious merger, we associate the word conflict and its significance to the problem, what is not good, what is not working.

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A conflict is inherent HUMAN LIFE, AND THEREFORE, ALL OF WHICH RELATES TO IT, TOO.

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When this part of our emotional life is not understood from this desired reality, games started within couples is confused with love and married life. Frustration and send us desgatamos wanting to force compliance, but also that our partner will fulfill us.

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We do not love your partner, depend on it, we want the link to be established as we require, if we fail to ask, because we demand. And why not. Is your partner !.

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Games in the relationships are endless and of course, that both partners cooperate to happen:

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INTERROGATION:

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Where did you go, who you were, what time you arrived, what did he say ?.

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Do you look at your cousin's house and you were not?

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Why did you work late, if ever sales at four?

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THE CONTROL:

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What you spend all the money I give you, or that you earn?

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Why you want to go there, better wait for me and I take you?

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To me those friends that you do not like, better stay home watching a movie?

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How strange you always have things to do on the street?

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Blackmail:

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What do you want to arrive earlier if you're always angry?

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Me coming so eager to see you and I go out with you want to go with your parents, or to the movies?

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If you really want me; would you go with me, where do I like?

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INDIFFERENCE:

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I came home and did not speak ...

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I'll eat with some clients and do not notice ....

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I'm late and do not ... I communicate.

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I remain to be yourself to an hour, and did not come, neither will I apologize ...

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My interests are above yours.

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SUBMISSION:

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I want to go to the movies, but if you want us to stay at home, okay.

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I like the red blouse, but I bought the green to give taste.

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Finally, there are countless keynotes in the relationship too many to list here but to go into these games and not be aware of what is involved, and depending not let your partner, but these units, controls, indifference , submissions and in some cases even aggression ...

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We no longer see the other to build the couple in love but dependency. Importantly, they do not depend on the couple, but the link we have established ... I mean, I depend on the submission to be with my partner. Depend blackmail to relate to my partner. I depend on indifference to control my partner. And depend on the games that I have established with my beloved soul mate ....

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But I think it is the Other, which leads me I react in certain ways. Really are my fears and insecurities that force me to do it. In this situation it is likely and possible, that the love of the couple become dependent ...

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Finally, a quote from Juan Pablo Valdes reflection:

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The biggest obstacle to love, is the secret fear of not being lovable ...

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Think about it ... from my point of view, is a project partner, and as such, it takes time to build. It is subject to passions and disagreements. Most importantly observe in how we relate to this life of two.

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Sometimes talking to others what happens to us gives us light and understanding. If you feel trapped in these games go to a specialist partner. Psychotherapy is always helpful ... I would love to write and give me your opinion on the issues column. Cecreto is a place to heal the wounds of love and Heart

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Offers you dispoición E-Book: WHEN LOVE BECOMES PARTNER IN PAIN

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With the acquisition of this material have three free consultations with the author via email electrónco. And if you subscribe to our newsletter, you'll receive, completely free, electronic material: The Ten Commandments of life

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